Stephanie Regalado stood in front of a packed city hall chamber 14 years ago to accept an award for her charity work in the community. Nobody in the room knew she was losing her 14-week-old baby. "If they only knew," she thought, later thinking that other people in the room might be going through painful or traumatic things without saying anything. 

How 'If They Only Knew' Started

This event moved Regalado so much that she wrote about it secretly in the first issue of Spokane CDA Woman magazine, which she edited. She called the piece "If They Only Knew" and asked people to write in with their stories without giving their names.

Many women from all walks of life responded and shared very private stories they had never shared with anyone else. Regalado explained that anonymity allows women to share their stories easily, which they might not have told anyone else, not even their husbands or friends. The piece rapidly became a must-read, resonating strongly with the magazine's readers.

Because the column did well, Regalado chose to write a book with these stories. She began reading through more than 100 responses more than three and a half years ago, looking for stories that felt deep and changed people.

She chose 60 stories, told from the first-person point of view and split into six parts covering everything from family to community. Regalado wrote introductions for each section and carefully edited the submissions to maintain each writer's style.

Once Regalado found an agent, a traditional publisher would not publish her story because they did not want to print anonymous stories. She said she felt very protective of these women and clarified that she wanted readers to connect with the stories without picturing specific people.

Determined to bring these experiences to light, she founded SheSays Media and released "If They Only Knew" in 2023. The book got much attention when shown at the YWCA Women of Achievement Luncheon in March.

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Empowering Voices and Seeking Justice

The stories in the book are about a lot of different things, from being raped by a family member or abused at home to feeling ashamed of being "the other woman." Each story reveals a secret, prompting the authors to wonder what others would think.

A particularly disturbing story involves a young teen who was videotaped being sexually attacked at a party. When Regalado learned the video still existed, she offered to help the writer get justice. The author told her husband what happened, and he started working with the police immediately to fix the problem.

Other stories, while less violent, deliver an emotional impact, focusing on estranged relationships, broken marriages, and efforts to find a footing in the profession or community. Regalado stated that relationship difficulties resonate with her, pointing out how shame frequently prevents women from leaving relationships that do not honor them. The stories in the book show how strong and resilient women can be after going through hard times.

"If They Only Knew" is the first in a planned series, and Regalado still accepts submissions on her website. She talked about how most stories help her heal and grow emotionally. She hoped that readers would find kindness and understanding for themselves and others.

Regalado continues to share stories that motivate and connect people through her work as a veteran journalist and her company, SheSays Media. The book breaks the illusion that we know what other people are going through by letting readers walk through someone else's story and emerge with more kindness and understanding.

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