In the modern world, many people may fear being disliked, and this often dictates their actions. A popular Japanese book is challenging this notion. Written by Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga, "The Courage to Be Disliked" shares conversations between a philosopher and a young person. In five talks, the philosopher helps the student see that we can control our own lives, breaking free from past troubles and what others expect from us.

Koga was initially captivated when he discovered Kishimi's book on Adlerian psychology while exploring a bookstore in Kyoto. He reached out to Kishimi, and their discussion evolved into a book.

Adlerian Theory Unveiled

The core of this revolutionary book is Adlerian theory, a psychological framework formulated by Austrian psychotherapist Alfred Adler. Adler, alongside Freud and Jung, played an important role in 19th-century psychology. Adler's psychology is grounded in a holistic and phenomenological understanding of human behavior. He emphasized that a comprehensive understanding must consider all aspects of a person, not by analyzing their parts. The phenomenological viewpoint underscores that each person interprets situations uniquely from their own perspective.

Adler placed significant emphasis on the resilience of human willpower to overcome adversities. According to him, our past traumas should not dictate our future, and it is our conscious choice on how we allow our trauma to impact our present and future.

In this book, the authors will guide readers through the essence of this decades-old theory, emphasizing that 'freedom is being disliked by other people.' Your life journey may not garner unanimous approval, and that is perfectly okay.

Exercising Freedom

The authors highlight that being disliked by someone is evidence that you are exercising your freedom and living authentically. According to the book, embracing that not everyone will support your choices is a sign that you are living by your principles. Conversely, conforming to others' expectations to avoid disapproval leads to a life devoid of freedom. 

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While the book does not suggest actively pursuing disapproval, it urges individuals not to fear being disliked, recognizing it as an unavoidable aspect of life. To be able to live on our terms authentically, the book advises letting go of the constant need for approval, being indifferent to others' judgments, embracing the reality of being disliked as part of the journey to freedom, and understanding that recognition, while pleasant, is not essential for a fulfilled life. 

Recognition as a Pleasure, Not a Necessity

Kishimi and Koga acknowledge that feeling positive emotions when recognized by others is natural. However, the book emphasizes the distinction between enjoying recognition and feeling a compulsive need for it. An excessive desire for recognition can lead to a life shaped by others' expectations, causing individuals to abandon their true selves.

A pivotal lesson from the book is the idea that 'happiness is a feeling of contribution.' True happiness, the authors argue, stems from the subjective sense that your contributions are valuable, regardless of whether they are visible to others. As long as you feel you have made a difference, you can experience genuine happiness.

In conclusion, this self-help book encourages independence and freedom, rejecting the fear of disapproval. It promotes finding intrinsic joy through meaningful contributions, allowing individuals to live on their own terms without constantly seeking external approval. Embracing the book's principles makes these possibilities easily achievable.

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