"I Love You So Much It's Killing Us Both" is a compelling narrative reminiscent of Nick Hornby's "High Fidelity," following the life of Khaki Oliver, a Black woman navigating friendship, identity, and sanity. Estranged from her former best friend Fiona for a decade, Khaki faces a tumultuous mix of fear and temptation when invited to Fiona's party. As she contemplates reconnecting, memories of their intense friendship resurface through a carefully crafted mixtape spanning decades of music.

With this discovery, Khaki wrestles with the costs and rewards of revisiting the past and how insight may shape her future, with and without Fiona. Unfolding in the backdrops of LA and New York City, the novel delves into codependency, punk culture, and the complexities of desire and denial, bittersweet in its portrayal of friendship and self-discovery.

The Author

Mariah Stovall, a literary agent at Trellis Literary Management, brings a wealth of experience from Howland Literary, Writers House, Farrar, Straus and Giroux, and Gallery Books. She focuses on adult literary and upmarket fiction, narrative nonfiction, and essay collections. Stovall prefers writers with strong voices and interdisciplinary perspectives. She especially likes writers from underrepresented groups.

Stovall's interests span subcultures, social movements, and individuals intersecting with pop culture, arts, history, STEM, linguistics, sports, and philosophy. With a collaborative editing approach, she is passionate about shaping projects for publication. She has contributed to various literary publications, admiring authors like Percival Everett, Han Kang, and Hanif Abdurraqib.

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A Compelling Debut Novel

As reported by NPR, in Stovall's first novel, Khaki relays stories of her previous relationship with Fiona. It showcases her desire for punk and emo music. The story takes place in the LA suburbs and continues in New York City. Khaki fights with mental conditions and haunting thoughts while trying to understand who she is and where she stands.

The novel includes a series of flashbacks to Khaki's college and high school years. The flashbacks provide an insight into her most challenging battles in life and the state of her mental health. Through intimate and careful observation of Khaki and her actions, Stovall creates a persuasive story focusing on the main character's inner world.

The readers are made to participate directly in not only Kakhi but also her musical world, friendships, and discoveries. Upon Fiona's sudden invitation, Khaki faces the onslaughts from her past again and asks herself whether love, loss, and resilience are destined to be the only constants in one's life. The book presents a heart-warming adventure of friendship, music, and humanity using poetical expressions and poignant contemplations. 

A Powerful Exploration of Friendship and Mental Health

An article from Kirkus Reviews said that Stovall's debut novel is a poignant testament to the enduring impact of destructive relationships and the profoundly challenging recovery journey. Receiving a letter from her estranged friend has triggered a flood of memories from their codependent relationship. Their friendship, marked by devotion and secrets, ultimately leads to a rupture, propelling Khaki to attend a college in LA.

Throughout the novel, Khaki's mental health struggles, including depression, anxiety, and disordered eating, are vividly portrayed. Stovall uses formal representation to depict these disorders, highlighting their impact on Khaki's daily life. As Khaki confronts Fiona's reappearance and reflects on their toxic friendship, she grapples with the precarious balance of stability she has achieved without her.

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